paper cut my heart in half... [entries|friends|calendar] the one you never thought you'd need [ website | ]   we couldn't find any swing sets... so we drove all nite listening to mix tapes. [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

bitch puhlease [20 Feb 2005|10:14pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | hellogoodbye ] um hi. long time no write? in this thing atleast... anyways i made a new journal. try your luck and get added. _betraymykiss kawesome. tell me you love me.

its the most wonderful time of the year... [24 Nov 2004|12:45pm] [ mood | poor ] [ music | quantice never crashed ] help me out please! i would for you guys. its the holidays. :) a dollar to a thousand dollars. i will make you cookies. my parents decided not to help me anymore. and i am going for a job today. swear. but anything will help me out please. thank you so much! ♥

you're beautiful when you're dead [11 Nov 2004|11:47pm] [ mood | fifteen ] [ music | throwdown haha ] soo jon thinks i don't wear his band merch he gave me a few months back. and i had to take pictures for their myspace. haha so i decided to be ex.tough.ex and i feel so fifteen years old right now. hahaha hahaha i feel so...15...hahaha wheres my bandana?! dammit. i love my best friend andyizzle. i can't wait to see him again soon. come over so i can give you a haircut loverrr. i miss your stinkin guts. ♥ oh. and i'm in the process of making my entire journal friends only. soo yeah...i don't know if i want to add everyone. i hate adding people i don't know. i don't know though. its really not fair. i hate friends only journal. but whateverrrr. and i'm soo unemployed. YESSS. i'm so fuckin rad. 32 lies tell me you love me.

this is what we call a tragedy... [25 Sep 2004|06:10pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | the used ] rip tony. :( today was his funeral. i wish i wasn't 3000 miles away. i would give anything to be over there right now. i am so sorry girls. i love you all to peices. and he is in a better place now. just remember that. i will always be here for you no matter what. ♥ love always, caffine. jenn, i love you so much. and i hope you are being strong throughout this all. you mean alot to me. and i know he was your best friend. he was such a wonderful person. and like you said...he will live on through you. and you will always have someone keeping you safe and watching over you at all times. ♥ 4 lies tell me you love me.

depressing [19 Sep 2004|11:57pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | cursive ] rip tony. :( and i hope everyone else i know in long island is safe. i remember meeting you the very first day with jenn. when you picked me up from the airport with her. and we got ihop. and we drove around and you explained to me what the small bridges were for. (so busses from the city couldnt get in back in the day) and then we got me saline solution and i left it in your car. annnd you took me to the mall to see jon. and you and jenn kept telling me to not be nervous and kept making me laugh. you were such an amazing kid and i could tell that the very little time we spent together. you're going to be greatly missed. but you are in a better place now. and i am sorry to everyone in new york. ♥caffine. (now everytime i hear that i will think of you and the nickname you gave me.) i'm sorry jenn and sue and ericka and everyone else. :(

new york new york! [11 Sep 2004|10:50pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | i'm too excited for music now ] ahhhhhhh aksl;dfjlk;asdjflkasdjflk;asjdfkajsdfklafasd december 28th...i am going back up to new york! and staying until the 10th of january. while i am there josh and i are finding an apartment. annnd i am finding my job. and moving there in feb. or march. but the fact i am going back 3 days after christmas just made my life so much better. AHHH. i am so happy. annnd i get to stay with steve. more fun times!! <3<3<3 ANNND speaking of new york! happy birthday molly! i miss yooou. i hope you have a good day. :):):) ok ok buying my plane ticket nooow. YESYESYES! annnd going back during winter time makes me even happier! :):):) me and steveee me and joooosh steven jenn and megan :):):) andyyy and jenn :) :)♥ 9 lies tell me you love me.

boys like you are overrated [10 Sep 2004|12:18am] [ mood | angry ] [ music | the format ] i am disgusted with myself. why do i even try with you? seriously. you're such a fucking dick. fuck off man. thanks. and i feel better after saying that. well a little bit atleast. ♥ oh. and ice scream... this isn't to you. i promise. 5 lies tell me you love me.

cracking a smile and wearing it all on my sleeve [07 Sep 2004|11:03pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | underoath ] soo me and skurvy totally kissed today. then i wanted to make out. but he couldn't handle me. proably like you can't handle me either. then i got bored while i was sitting in back at work. and took these. i LOVE that picture of me. hmm i was bored. sue me playa. unlike cute beth...side puckered lips don't work for me. :( i wear cute shoes to work. don't hate. that is all. i am hungry but i just ate carrots. blahhh. and my job is boring. :/ he's a maverick he's so smooth if things go according to plan i'll have him finished by five a.m. there's no changing plans there's no second chance i've already got both feet through the door and i can taste the air make a sound it's safe for you to choke in here alone whatever i say goes you're not here with me 12 lies tell me you love me.

i know i'm stronger now [07 Sep 2004|11:28am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | new used ] apparently i'm straightedge? How straight edge are you? brought to you by Quizilla YES! but they are wrong. i don't drink soda. i havn't for a good while. it makes me sick and my throat burn. and i even said on there i drink once or twice. hmm. then michelle took it and she got 0% straightedge and it told her she was an alcoholic. HAHA wooo i work today. i work for the rest of the week. this sucks. i slept a good long time last night. i came home and napped. i napped all day. woke up and ate. hahaha went back to sleep. woke up and talked online. was up for 2 hours then passed out until 9:30 this morning. i didn't even hear my mom come in to say she was leaving. weirddd. the new used cd "in love and death" is really good i think. it comes out later this month. people should buy it. and i'm going to get the shirt that says "burt is my homeboy" and wear it to their next show. haha remember michelle almost exactly one year ago we were at the used show. and i met adams friends beth and kaylan for the first time. i love those girls. and then we traveled over to arizona so we could see them the next day too. and we almost got in a fight with stupid 15 year old taking back sunday fans and you held my fist back. but we elbowed people during brand nizzle. because they like to mosh to emo songs! do you dash to moshboard?! hahaha aww memories. and i almost got in a fight with 3 girls in front of us during the vegas used show. gosh those girls were annoying. i'm sure they liked me bothering them though. bitches. haha if you can't handle shit don't be annoying and stand next to me. i throwdown playas. HAHA aww that was fun. buuut now i must go get ready for work. 5 lies tell me you love me.

i admit i'm just a fool for you [06 Sep 2004|08:49pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | underoath ] can you feel your heartbeat racing? can you taste the fear in her sweat? you've done this wrong it's too far gone these sheets tell of regret i admit that i'm just a fool for you i am just a fool for you here is where we both feel wrong tonight's your last chance to do exactly what you want to and this could be my night this is what makes me feel alive makes you feel alive here is where we both go wrong so tie me up and toss this key cause for now we're living in this moment and we both ignore the truth it's all over, it's all over i feel your heart against mine so take a breath and close your eyes your lungs have failed and they both stopped breathing my heart is dead and its way past beating something has gone terribly wrong i'm scared, you're scared, we're scared of this i never thought we'd make it out alive i never told you but its all in your goodbyes it's all in your goodbyes well look who's dying now slit wristless sleeping with the girl next door i always knew you were such a sucker for that it doesnt matter what you say you never mattered anyway, never mattered anyway in this moment that we both ignore the truth it's all over, it's all over i feel your heart against mine so take a breath and close your eyes exactly. and i just realized how much of a bitch i am. i am sorry. blah. so tell me how's the rest i'm fine with second best it's all that i can say not coming back this way... 22 lies tell me you love me.

GOSH! vote for pedro! [05 Sep 2004|08:08pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | me humming ] he is my new obsession. Aaron Ruell. napoleon dynamites brother. ok i seriously didn't look twice at him the first time i saw the movie. now seeing what he REALLY looks like. i want to marry the boy. HAHA. YESSS! haha. why am i so obsessed with this movie still?! now i am just waiting for adam to pick me up. then we are off over to michelles aunts. come hang out tonight. call my cell if you wanna! ♥ 3 lies tell me you love me.

these sheets tell of regret [05 Sep 2004|12:44pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | kind of like spitting ] tonight i am going out with brian. the really hot boy from urban outfitters. hes back from chicago finally and he asked me to go out and watch napoleon dynamite with him. we both love that movie. hes so cute. he asked me last night and hes like "tomorrow you have a date with me and napoleon" haha thennn i am going all the way across town to a party. and i am spending the night. i'm going to make out. indeed i am. and i am going to drink red bull and vodkas and cute little margaritas. i'm so bored right now. aj, mister 1919, called me last night. he moved into his new apartment. soo i think i am going to make a trip to ohio soon. to see him and his new place. well maybe. if he meant what he said last night. because i think he was drunk. no matter what he said. haha i just wanted to save this. edgexforxlifex: hes just an ass chas. don't pay attention to him. when i even saw him when he was here the first thing i thought is he is not even your type. hes not hardcore tuff enough. xlashing out: HAHA hardcore tough? extoughex edgexforxlifex: look at him. xlashing out: i did look at him. he was cute. edgexforxlifex: compare your ex's to him. xlashing out: haha ok edgexforxlifex: he didn't even have black hair. xlashing out: what does black hair have to do with anything? edgexforxlifex: and he didn't have that many tattoos. xlashing out: HAHA now you are just sounding like my mom. xlashing out: so basically he should look like you? edgexforxlifex: yea he really should xlashing out: sleeves of tattoos, huge gauges, black shag, etc edgexforxlifex: i should teach him a few things if he really did want you xlashing out: well he doesn't want me so you don't have to teach anybody anything edgexforxlifex: no i think he does want you. hes just stupid. really he is. its his look that is making him stupid. xlashing out: haha you;re so mean edgexforxlifex: i'm serious here chas edgexforxlifex: hes stupid if hes going to show his face here again. he saw what your friends were like. they do some hardcore beatings. xlashing out: yeah but they won't do anything to him. and even if anything did happen it would get broken up right there. nothing would happen edgexforxlifex: how about my band beats the shit out of his band then? xlashing out: haha now you sound like jon. xlashing out: his band hates *****s band. edgexforxlifex: we could take him. and it would be a fair fight. 5 band guys against 5 band guys. xlashing out: haha but you guys are extoughex it wouldn't be a fair fight. they wouldn't have a chance. edgexforxlifex: chastine. was he fair to you? xlashing out: ok ok. whatever. edgexforxlifex: and we can do it on stage. in front of everyone. xlashing out: so what? when they are singing you just run up and tackle him HAHA edgexforxlifex: that would be fucking great xlashing out: i don't know what i would do. xlashing out: why are we plotting fights?! do we really have nothing better to do? edgexforxlifex: you break my girls heart i'll break your face. i'm just looking out for you. i love this kid. 3 lies tell me you love me.

and i'm the biggest flirt [03 Sep 2004|01:32pm] [ mood | pleased ] [ music | a & e ] i love it when my wife ashlee simpson wears my clothes in public. JOSHRABI: JOSHRABI: ashlee simpson xlashing out: a;slkdjfkasdf MY hoodie JOSHRABI: wearing ur hoodie xlashing out: YES! xlashing out: my gosh i love my wife JOSHRABI: hahah JOSHRABI: hahah xlashing out: i love her xlashing out: really i do JOSHRABI: as do i JOSHRABI: arent you happy i sent you that JOSHRABI: and thought of you xlashing out: YES ok that is all. haha :) me and ashlee are so in love. <3 9 lies tell me you love me.

i'm going on a tripppp :) [01 Sep 2004|07:34pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | a and e ] lkdasjflaksdjfklasdfjlkasdf i'm going up to san fran, california october 14th through the 17th to visit friends. mostly matt...cock. haha buuut hawthorne heights is playing a show there on the 15th at slims. soo um if any of you live around there please come and say hi to me! i'll be there! but i just bought my plane ticket so it made me excited. after begging my mom for an hour haha. annnd i think i might be going to jersey in november. shes still warming up to that 5 hour flight. and it will be after the election. i just gotta talk to my jersey lover arielle about it. but thinking about the east coast makes me so excited and i can't wait. hopefully she still wants me to come and enjoy dorm life with her. annnd that is all. now i am off to go enjoy my cream of broccoli soup. yum! :) mom: you can go up and visit matt if you promise to not come home with any more holes in your body or any tattoos me: mom i hardly even have holes in my body. mom: i know but when you go out with matt you always come home with something new me: that was once and we have hung out more than once mom: well just don't come home with anymore of those scary surface piercings you have me: haha alright mom whatever 6 lies tell me you love me.

my broken heart is so in need [01 Sep 2004|12:56am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | falling up ] so let me just say that i HATE drinking and not getting drunk. or buzzed. i use to be a lush. now i can't even get a little bit buzzed with alcohol. i had 2 red bulls and vodkas tonight. (can i just say i love paul frank for free drinks and i didn't even have to use my id! yay paul frank. thank you!) a year ago i would have been completely buzzed. my friends were drunk. was i? no. i am 5'8 and between 125 - 130 pounds. back in feburary...6 months after i stopped drinking. i had 9 shots at my friends apartment. i did not get buzzed. i should have been DEAD. no seriously. 6 months prior to that i would have been in my undies shakin my ass or passed out somewhere. and then to not even get buzzed. what the hell is wrong with my body and not responding to alcohol. i give up on alcohol. that is the end of that. and to all my straight edge friends. i am sorry. :/ but the paul frank fashion show was fab. thank you adam for getting me on the list. i love you to death. even if i still think you are mad or upset or something with me. i bought a really hot dress. i wanted it in huntington but they only had a large. and well i just can't do larges unless i want it to fall off of me. look and be jealous. kaylan me and meeshell are all in love. johnee is so wonderful. i decided i am going to get married in that dress. it is just my favorite peice of clothing ever now. so short. so sexy. so white/innocent. so chastine. and it has hearts all over it. and a cute pink ribbon. i am in love with it. i am in complete love with paul frank. who is such a wonderful person. and i love his weiner attire. yes. indeed i do. now you should really fall in love with me. yes. you. i miss you. blah. and with that being said... i am leaving before i start crying. goodnight. ♥ 8 lies tell me you love me.

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